Me-Myself Part-1

ah.. u must be wondering what happened to my title?? hehehe.. read on folks..

When the going gets tough.. tough gets the going.. it was one heck of a night.. i have been insomnatic for nearly 15 days now.. n god i tell you.. being insomnatic is worse when you have a crazy wreck for a mind.. n a crazier wreck for a body!! its been horrible to deal with.. just simply a nightmare which wont ever get over..

When in doubt remember thy friends.. goes the saying.. but to tell you frankly.. i have a horrid past.. so no one worth calling a friend exists in my life.. yes i was the so called "looser" on campus.. everyone hated me.. n i had only myself to blame for it.. an incident ruined my life.. n evryone just began to hate me in my school days.. no one i cud trust existed.. no one wanted to do anything with me anymore.. n i just stopped caring about it all.. or so i thought i told myself.. but the fact remains the fact.. u can't change it.. gosh.. had somebody made a time machine.. i cud alter some things in my life.. loneliness has been my companion since then.. had i just been able to mend that one wrong in my life.. had i just given myself a second chance..

I have always lived my life in my own way.. it has been a wreck.. so far.. but still i dont feel its because of how i've lived it.. its been a wreck coz.. i just wanted it to be one.. yes.. after that incident it wasn't only others who started hating me.. i myself started hating me.. i wanted myself to suffer.. yes.. it was that difficult a decision to make.. n i ruined it.. however difficult a decision it was.. a wrong decision is after all death.. is worse than death.. it was a very important decision.. n i ruined it..

Its often so, that u keep on doing what u feel is right at that moment n then one day just comes in your life when u realise that you were a fool to keep on doing what u did.. that you shud have done otherwise.. that when your inner voice was telling you that whatever you were doing was wrong.. still u kept doing it.. that was a worst mistake..

u keep on increasing your pace to run away from it all.. but however fast you are.. everything just catches up with you one day.. n that day.. the regret you feel is beyond everything which you can feel in your life.. its an unparalled feeling.. u wish you weren't "u" at that moment!! but hey the time's gone when you cud have mended it all.. the damage has been done.. its all over.. THE END..

But you need to get up from these falls.. however deep it has that u have fallen.. however bad your wounds might be.. u gotta stand back up!! get moving with your life.. things do settle down after some time.. they'll be back to normal one day.. u'll forget your past n it will be alright once again.. time's the best medicine to heal up the deepest wounds..

this was what i kept on telling myself.. but let me tell you.. things have been far from being normal.. they have been even worse.. to tell the truth.

when i first saw my darling sweet heart.. i did think that this was my chance to make all wrongs in my life rights.. to give myself a chance to love myself back again.. to heal up those old wounds.. to love n to care.. i had something to live for in my life.. n that too after many years.. everything seemed as if my life was going to be normal again.. that time had worked its magic n given me my second chance at life.. that's why i was so crazily driven by this feeling.. thats why i was doing what i was doing.. all this craziness.. it wasn't just love for my sweetheart.. it was my love for myself.. i was about to give myself a second chance.. i was about to forget it all.. i was about to make a life out of the wreck which i came to call my life.. i was about to breath the fresh morning aroma.. a new morning in the nightmare called my life.. i was about to see the sun rise.. n the darkness clearing in my life.. it was all going to happen..

but just when all your hopes.. n feelings.. joy n happiness get elevated.. you are about to fall the worst fall of your life.. n thats just exactly what i m experiencing right now.. right now.. staring at the dark walls of my room.. i m into the worst fall of my life.. its 3:15 am.. n sleep is farther off from me.. than my sweet heart is at the moment!!

I guess God just wants me to keep on hating myself for the rest of my life.. that mistake of mine was unintentional.. but the repercussions it had.. were highly unforgivable.. I pissed off not only other, n myself.. i guess i pissed God off too.. well.. things are looking down tonite.. but maybe tomorrow they might be allright.. maybe tomorrow sumthing might happen which will give me more joy than all this pain.. n for that joy i m ready to go thru' twice as much pain.. afterall i m too one of God's creations...

Hoping for the best.. a hardcore foolish optimist's saying good night!! who know's what tomorrow will bring!!

the end of yet another post.. the real story has begun.. so dont miss a word.. check everyday for a new post ..

My Sweet Heart part6

The story continues.. sorry for the delay.. cudn't figure out wat to write next!! don't know even now.. but will cum to know soon.. neways read on..

Wat is it that makes people as solid as a rock, kneal down to the situation n cry their hearts out?? wat is the reason that people get so depressed with their miserable lives, that they just wanna stop living nemore!! wat makes people just wanna give up fighting the insurmountable battle to stay aflot!! its all just too complex to answer! or so i thought at that moment.

N then it was back again.. that intense hatred i felt for miss stary chick was back.. as she smirked at me. all that pain n sympathy was gone.. everything just popped itself back to normal!! no regrets!! i hated her just the same.. even more!!

"What do you want??" i snapped at her insolent n irritating face!!

"Its beyond you to understand what i want!!" Miss Wise ass, Queen of Melodrama said.
I can't understand.. did her parents just forget to teach her to answer questions in a direct n normal way..
A funny thought occured to me.. what if someone asked her!! what do u want for breakfast?? would she answer: Its beyond thy understanding, what i want for breakfast!! hehehehe!!
Crap!! crap!! crap!! that's what she's made up of!! but don't worry too much, coz its beyond your and my understanding!

"Ok!! whatever!! then if u wud kindly let me pass through!! i'd be grateful to you for my entire life!!" i said mustering as much sarcasm as i ever cud!!

"Will you stop running from urself, for once in ur life???" she asked.
this shook me for a moment!! once in your life?? what did she know bout my life?? stop running from myself?? is this person gone nuts!! what is she talking about?

"What??" i said in total surprise!

"U heard me.. i was loud n clear!"

"Ya i heard you very well.. loud n clear.. but nothing registered!! wat do u mean??"

"Ah.. just forget it!!" She turned around n began to leave! i was stunned! tears were long gone! my sweet heart existed or not, i wasn't quite sure! But wat the heck was this dame talking about?? Forget it?? is this some saans bahu serial.. continued in the next episode!! wat the heck!! i want an answer now!! wat did she mean? i m getting crazy now!! anger swelling within me!!

"Hey.........." i shouted to her back!
But she just waved her hand at me.. not even caring to look back!
i ran to her.. took her hand n swung her around! there was again that look of pain in her eyes! again the same look which made me regret all what i had thought about her, before!! she wiped that look off her face, immediately! n wriggled her hand out of my grasp!

"Don't you dare ever touch me!" she bursted out.. a rattle snake ready to bury its fangs deep into you!!

" Oh sorry!! but.."

"But, nothing.. .."
She again turned around n went off! on her way!! leaving behing a stunned, irritated, hurt, angry, shattered, frustrated, (lots of adjectives to describe me), person!!

I didn't have it in me, to go back to the Rattler once again! i stayed put!! half of me wanting to slap her right.. n ask her.. to explain her indecent remark!! half of me was alert to the fangs of miss stary chick!! i listened to my "better" half!

it took me 30 minutes, to decide exactly wat i felt at that moment.. minutes before i was in the joy of meeting my sweetheart.. then minutes later, i was in the deepest pain ever, that my sweetheart hardly recognised me.. then few seconds later, i was feeling that Ms. Stary Chick wasn't what i had intially thought of her to be like.. n then seconds later.. that regret just vanished away.. n i was the exact same snappy person as b4 wid her!! n then she said "stop running from yourself" which confused me.. n then i felt hate and anger for her.. oh. God how can a person feel every emotion in the time span of 15 minutes?? i think i shud talk my case with the Guinesse Guyz,, i bet u, i'd be famous.. the guy who felt every single emotion in humans, within 15 minutes!! wat rubbish!! i need to get home!

That night, was the first of my last fortnights when i was thinking more about something else than my sweetheart! i was trying to analyse the statement made by Miss Stary Chick (Lets just call her MSC)! whatever the hell was that supposed to mean?? it was as if she knew me.. the depths of me.. as if we had been friends forever.. as if she knew more about me than anyone else..as if she was one of my own.. she said it as if she really cared for me.. as if she felt my pain!! as if..... oh mann!! the power of human mind!! ur imagination is the best as well as the worst thing which God gave you!! mark my words!! imagining such thing about MSC, is horrifying.. its totaly crazy n ridiculous.. or is it?? oh my God i m going crazy!! someone please call the mental hospital!! its an emergency!! Do mental people talk to themselves like i do? i think they do! what? now what relevance does it have here?? no, i m not going crazy. i guess i m already gone crazy.. nuts.. cracked!!

That's what 15 minutes can do to you!!

That's all for this post.. read on coz its now that the real story has just begun!!

My Sweet Heart part5

In Conitnuance..

I was so stunned when My SweetHeart just denyed to recognise me.. didn't she remember me?.. didn't she remember how she had smiled at me that evening?.. didn't she remember that she was the one who had said "FRIENDS" n held out her small, delicate hand for a shake?.. didn't she remember how she had decided on our meeting the other day?.. Didn't she remember noting my number in her cell phone?.. did she forget everything? how cud she? i was just stunned to silence.. i cudn't say a word.. But then a thought occured to me.. maybe she was joking.. a new ray of hope sprouted in me...
"U R joking, right?" i said hoping against hope that at any moment she wud start laughing n wud say "obviously i joked"..
But her expression didn't change a bit.. it was even stranger than before..
"No.. I seriously don't think that we have met before.. u must have got the wrong person.." These words stinged me so much that i felt my eyes starting to get moist..
she continued.. still giving me that strange expression of hers... "Neways i gotta go.." she turned and went away into the distance..
i was struck with lightening.. stunned to death.. shattered to pieces.. destroyed to bits.. i wanted to kill myself.. i had no interest in living life after what i just experienced.. i wanted to die.. If i had the choice to choose between life and death at that very moment.. i wud be more than happy to choose death.. at least then i wud live in peace.. why is it that just a single thing becomes so important to you that u r ready to give up living without it in ur life? i don't know.. but at this very moment just like the hindi film hero, i really wanted to end my life.. u won't understand why.. coz to understand what i felt at that moment... u really need to experience true love.. true love what i felt for my sweetheart.. true love what made me spend sleepless nights thinking only about her.. true love which made me go crazy for the past fortnight.. true love which made me hope of meeting her some day.. of telling her what i feel for her.. of feeling her daunty presence in my life.. to sleep of to her thoughts n to wake up to her thoughts.. ah.. only then wud u know the intensity of my love for her.. only then will u know what i felt n why i felt it.....

I was completely in my own thoughts.. or should i say.. in my own 'despair'.. When u feel such intense love for someone.. n that someone doesn't even aknowledge ur presence.. that's when u come to know what 'pain' is.. i felt a tap on my shoulder.. tears were flowing like a river had spurred out of my eyes.. i turned around to see the last person i wanted to see at tht moment.. Miss Stary Chick.. for the first time in my life she seemed very different to me.. there was pain in her eyes.. the same pain what i was feeling at that very moment.. intense pain.. But what had she got to be hurt about, i wondered.. i don't know why but i suddenly regretted ever calling her dumb or stupid.. i regretted being so rude to her on the phone the other day.. i regretted ever calling her a disease..

what's happening to me???... suddenly my emotions were spinning totally out of control.. i had no idea what i felt anymore.. i had no idea why i felt what i felt.. i had completely no control over me.. i started crying even more... now why was i regretting everything about Miss Stary Chick?? what was up with me?? what is going on right now??? sometimes u urself r not sure about what u fell at some moments.. this was one such moment in my life.. a minute ago.. i was in total pain.. n now i m in total regression.. what is going on with me i don't know.. its all just too complex to even understand.. the only thing i know is that seeing theat pain n hurt in her eyes really made me regret everything that i had initially thought about her.. Sometimes we just judge people thru' just one action.. without knowing the reson behind what made them do it.. we just stereotype them immediately.. n then u come to know that they r not even close to what u initially thought about them.. this is exact same thing what was true about Miss Stary Chick.. ew.. now i feel what a name.. Stary Chick.. i didn't really care why she stared at me.. i just judged her so quickly as a dumb stupid wiseass.. oh god.. what a worst person i am.. these were the exact same emotions i felt for her at that momen.. we just kept staring at each other.. i saw that intense amount of pain in her eyes.. i saw the concern she had about me.. i dont know.. just don't know why but i completely forgot about My Sweetheart for a moment.. that was how significant this meeting was..

wanna know what happens next... keep on reading...

My Sweet Heart part4

i cant believe u guyz r still reading.. not bored??

Now the dumb grin of this dumb chick, made me go even madder than i was b4.. i had half the mind to go and shake her up, instead i just stood there waiting for her to say something.. she grinned even more.. as if her smile was communicating what she had to say to me.. the only thing i understood was that i was getting madder n madder with every passing second!!

"i asked u a simple question.. n in return i might dare to expect an answer from u.." i said, with overflowing sarcasm... she smiled even more..

finally after what seemed like an hour to me she said "The question might not be as simple as it may seem to you!!" ahhhhh.. now what the heck was that supposed to mean?

"Now whats that supposed to mean?" I asked keeping up the sarcasm in my voice..

"You might know better!" she said keeping up the stupid smile of hers..

"Please explain!" i said tryin to keep the irritation in my voice as low as possible

"Some other time".. she turned around and started walking.. leaving me stunned to silence..

I just kept staring at her back.. as her frame became smaller n smaller to my eyes.. i wanted to stop her n ask her to give me a proper answer.. stupid girl.. what indignation in her voice.. wise ass.. as if i really cared to know why she stared at me.. well, actually i did care to know..

Must have been one heck of an emergency, i thought.. For the past three days the same routine had followed suit on me.. i used to wake up... well technically 'waking up' is after u sleep.. so i wud say.. that i used to 'get out' of bed at 4:30 am.. wait till 9:30 for my Sweetheart's call.. then i used to feel the vibration of my cell phone during my lectures.. then at exactly 3:30pm i used to wait at that exact same bench where i had first seen my beautiful Sweetheart.. Please accept my love.. My sweetheart.. i wud make your every wish come into reality.. fulfill ur every desire.. keep u like a queen.. the Queen of my heart.. My heart throb.. my breath.. my life.. my dream..

wud keep on waiting till 8 pm.. but my Angel wud never turn up.. One heck of an emergency, it must have been, i thought... that stary chick kept up with her routine too.. only difference now was that along with her stares i also got the pleasure of being splattered from head to toe by her stupid grins.. seriously a mad chick.. she really needs to go and get her brains checked up.. really.. somethings wrong up there..or maybe they shud do her CAT scan.. they might find her skull totally empty.. a serious possibility...

It was 8:30am i sat staring at the cell phone, waiting for it to start to ring.. as i ususally did for the past week.. n to my delight.. it did start ringing.. oh my God.. oh my God.. My Sweetheart was calling to tell me off her terrible emergency which had kept her busy for 1 week..that she didnt get time to talk to me.. she was calling up to say sorry for making me wait so long for her.. she was calling up to say that she regretted doing what she did.. that she too loved as much i loved her.. she was calling.. she was calling...

"Hello" my heart was leaping and bouncing.. God..She was actually calling me...

"Hello.. yeah hi.." someone said in a very sweet voice.. i had heard it somewhere before.. i didn't recollect to whom it belonged to.. but i had heard it somewhere before.. where??

"Yeah?" gross disappointment in my voice.. coz i knew that this sweet voice certainly didn't belong to My Sweetheart..

"Hey, I want to talk to u about 'that' day.. i do want to answer your 'simple question'.."

Now i remember.. the voice belonged to Miss Stary Chick.. ah.. what the hell was she doing calling me so early in the morning.. disturbing my peace of mind.. what if my Sweet heart wud be trying to reach me at this very moment.. she might miss me due to this dumb stupid girl.. why was she so intent on ruining my life.. spoiling it with her dumb presence in it.. i wondered!!

"What?" i said, unable to keep the annoyance out of my voice.. actually i didn't even try to keep it out...

"hows 3:30.. at the place where u wait every evening??" she said, as if i was really going to meet Her Dumbness Madam Stary Chick!!

"I m not free today.." i said, clearly telling her i wasnt even half as interested in wasting my evening with her, than she thought i was..no thank you i wanted to say..

"U mean u r not free to meet me.. but u r free to wait on that stupid bench of urs??" she said.. wise ass, this chick.. a real damn wiseass..

"Whatever.. but i m not meeting u today.." i said to Miss Wiseass, suddenly one thing came to my mind.."By the way, from were did u get my number??"

"From where u left it.." she said

now what was that supposed to mean? is she a bit too cracked up, for an average person like me to understand what she really means when she says something..

"I dont get you" i said.. still trying to make sense of what she had just said..

"Its not as important as what i m now going to say.." she said

"n what might that be" i retorted..

"I m waiting for u at 3:30"

what balls she had.. i wanted to shout back..cant u understand when i say in plain n simple english that i have no interest in meeting u..

instead i concluded with:"Keep on waiting.." n hung up..

What's her problem i just cant understand.. what does one do when u have such wierd people chasing u around with their stupid stares.. n grins.. n now calls.. ah mann.. i tell u .. what if u were given the choice by God of whom u wanted in ur life and who u didn't.. how wud life be then..

3:30 it was.. miss Stary Chick hadn't showered me with her stares or grins the entire day today.. maybe in return to the hope that she wud shower me with her stupidity the entire evening.. but that wasn't going to happen.. no ma'm.. I started on my way to that "Beloved Bench" of mine.. i had this gutt feeling that my Sweetheart wud definately come today.. definately..But how to get rid of Miss Stary Chick.. was the question..

There she stood waiting for me.. that Wiseass who was so intent on ruining my peace of mind.. what if my Sweet Heart did find me with her.. even talking to her.. what might she think of it.. I cudn't take such a risk.. I had to make her go away somehow, so that i cud spend my entire evening with my Sweet heart.. But how to make a "disease" like this go away...

from the corner of my eye i saw something which made me freeze.. there she was.. there she was.. flying like a sea gull.. walking as if she was floating on ground... My Sweet heart.. after 10 days to see her was like seeing the diamond ring of a solar eclipse.. which occurs only after 200 years.. ah.. the only thing that exceeded her beauty was that sweet innocense on her face.. that down to earth look which she bore.. ah.. my gutt feeling was right.. now she wud come to me.. she wud say that she was sorry.. n i wud say its okay my honey.. beautiful Angel.. mesmerising Beauty.. sugar filled Buttercup.. i love u.. i can be of no one but u..

My Angel had her back towards me.. I was gonna shout out to her.. but before i cud do that someone called out to me.. ohh.. i had completely forgotten about Miss Stary Chick.. she was calling out to me.. Ny Sweetheart was going farther n farther away from me.. her back still towards me.. ahh.. i said hell with miss Stary Chick.. i went ahead towards My Angel.. My Life.. I called out her name.. she turned.. ah.. there she stood.. beautiful.. like a fresh bud.. which is about to bloom.. her beauty was so enchanting that i had no idea what i was going to say to her now that i had her full attention.. When u try so hard for getting something, that u forget everything u have.. u really have no idea what to do.. once u get it!!!

"Yeah?" My angel said.. i dont know why but there wasnt even a hint of apologetic looks on her mesmerising face..

"Hi.. I well.. I was.. I..." i stamerred, taken aback by her beauty..

"Yeah?" she said.. still looking at me in a strange way

"Well.. uh.. I was.. uh.. Hi.. i waited for u that day" finally it came out.. she continued to give me that strange looks of hers..

"What day?" she said.. My heart fell apart.. didn't she remeber?

she answered this question, as if she read my mind: "Do I know u?" as these words escaped her mouth.. i was sure that i was fainting.......

Keep on reading.. in the next post see what happened to me.. a heartattack maybe...

catch My Sweet heart part5

My Sweet Heart part3

n so the story continues...

First thing i did when i got home, i called up a friend who i thought wud know her cell number.. I had to convince myself that she really was caught up in some emergency.. but, he didnt have her number... darn.. i m such a fool.. i cud have asked her for her number that day.. I even tried to search her number in the directory listings.. but i didn't know her surname.. nor did i know her father's name.. hell, i didn't even know whether she did have a landline or not..whether she lived with her parents or at a hostel..God i can be such a fool sometims.. i shud have taken her number that day.. soo foolish of me..

She must have really been caught up in some emergency.. My Sweetheart won't even imagine of doing something like this without some really good reason.. she must have had no choice.. she cud have atleast called me, now..but then, how cud she have called me so late at night.. so sweet of u my Sweetheart, for being so concerned about my sleep.. Maybe she'll call up tomorrow.. Maybe she'll even meet me n appologise for making me wait yesterday.. I tried to reassure myself with this.. but i don't know why.. my unease didn't reduce a bit...

It was just 4:15 am.. i cudnt manage to sleep the whole night.. had never had the pleasure of seeing the first rays of sun emerging in the horizon, as i m a lazy chap.. who loves his sleep.. but along with my "sweetheart" i also missed my sleep.. but due to "my love", i cudnt enjoy my other love (sleep).. i got out of bed.. fed up with trying anymore to go to sleep.. n got ready.. what for i got all dressed up i dont know.. as college was at 10am, n it was hardly 6am right now.. maybe for the reason that i didn't want to present my sleeping self to my sweetheart when she wud call today to appologise.. I waited the whole morning for her call.. but at 9:45 i had to give up on her.. i left home, hating the idea that i wudnt be able to take her call if she wud call me in a lecture...

Nothing interested me that day for more than 2 seconds.. i waited for phone to vibrate, telling me that my sweetheart was calling.. but it never happened.. i observed one thing throughout the day, though.. that gal, who i had told u guyz about, in my last post, kept on giving me long stares.. i hadnt noticed her in my class before.. but i hardly did notice anything in the past fortnight apart from My Sweet Heart, in my day dreamz.. i don't know what that gals problem is.. maybe she's mad.. maybe she has this habbit of staring at people, or maybe i am imagining all of this.. a lot of 'maybes'... Who cares about her anyway!!

Ah i still remember that day when i had first set my eyes upon My SweetHeart.. ah how she looked.. just like an angel from the heavens.. her sparkling eyes.. that ivory skin of hers... those cute little hands of hers, in which she had held a paperback.. that sweet innocense in her eyes as she read.. that beautiful way in which she read.. that cute face which she made while reading. ah.. that beloved bench on which she sat... the lovely way in which she sat.. ah that way in which she smiled at me.. the way the sighed that day.. wind carresing her shining, glossy hair.. mist forming in her eyes.. the way in which she parked her hair behind her ear.. that freshness of her looks.. that exuberant n radiatind glow of her presence... "My Sweet heart".. u r the reason why i m alive.. come into my empty life n fill it with ur enchanting presence.....

3:30 it was.. same time.. same place.. but a different end to this day.. i hoped.. my parents had always told me to study with "concentration".. what that concentration meant i cudnt understand till the day i first saw my sweetheart.. now i understand what they really meant.. coz i really love my sweetheart with my full concentration.. sounds kinda funny, right?.. but what i truely mean is, that oh my sweetheart.. i love thee with all my heart n soul.. i love thee with all the amount of breath i have got in me.. i love thee with all the amount of care i have in me.. i love thee with everything i have got with me.. coz thee r everything i have with me!!! That stupid "stary chick" had come here too, just like yesterday.. n kept staring at me in that stupid way as she did the whole day today.. ah.. i was going crazy.. i mean crazy in a bad way.. not in that crazy way that i go.. when i think of my sweetheart.. But I don't care about miss stary chick so much, to go n ask her what her problem is!!.. i centered my attention to what i wud say when my sweetheart wud say "sorry".. i wud say:"its ok, Love, i understand u completely.. no need to say sorry.. I love u"..

All my hopes that today wud be any different from yesterday were shattered to pieces.. as it is 8pm now.. n still there's no sign of my Sweet Heart..i hope everything is fine with her.. i have to clear this place now.. as its time for it to close off.. i saw that stupid girl who kept staring at me the whole day n the whole evening, getting up to leave.. What's her problem yaar? i had had enough of her stupid stares.. i was fed up with it all..annoyed.. i decided to go and ask her what was so funny in my face, that she kept staring at me in that bold annoying way of hers..

"Excuse me!" i mustered courage to 'stop her in her tracks'.. she turned around startled by my voice.. her stuid face didn't seem stupid anymore, upclose.."yeah?" she said i a sweet voice.. a bit too sweet i noticed.. must be a singer or something.. "i was.. ah.. well.. i was wondering.. uh.." i thought hell with it.."why are u staring at me since the past 2 days?".. it came out with such suddenness that i myself was a bit startled.. but there wasn't even a hint of surprise on her face.. in fact i saw her face forming into a smile...
now what made her smile i don't know.. ah.. GIRLS!!.. they are just so complicated.. they smile at such moments!!.. n if u ask them what made them smile?.. they'll smile evn more.. knowing all this.. i didnt saved myself the trouble of asking her what made her smile.. instead i waited for her to explain everything to me... But i guess she was in no such mood........

To know what miss stary chick said to me.. read the next post...
arey yaar yeh to ek serial jaise hi ho raha hai.. next episode n all.. neways.. u just keep on reading..

My Sweet Heart part2

Story continued...

She said:"FRIENDS?" n held out her gentle hand towards me.. i looked at that beautiful pearly hand of hers.. with beautiful long fingers.. i noticed she wore all sorts of rings.. a mood ring.. a golden ring with a sparkling diamond stone in it.. sparklin just like her wonderfilled mystical eyes.. another silver ring with a deep blue shining stone... just like those amazing deep blue irises of hers.. ah.. i cudnt lift my fingers to meet hers.. they were as heavy as rock.. finally i managed to lift them n then as my fingers touched hers: Magic... i felt her soft silky touch.. as if she had never used her hands before.. as gentle as the morning breeze.. i held her hand in mine for what seemed to be an eternity.. "Hello? are u listening to what i just now said?" her melodious voice brought me out of my day dream.. "yeah? uh.. what?" i managed.. she sighed.. what a sigh.. ah.. mai to totally fida.. " I was saying: what time tomorrow? n if u'd be so kind enough to let go off my hand.. i d store ur number " .. i unwillingly let go off her hand.. she brought out her cell phone.. i dont know what model.. i was too busy looking at her beautiful shining, silky, naturally auburn hair.. a tuft of hair slid off the place where it was parked b4: (behind her ear) n went into her eye.. with an experts touch she again tucked it behind her ear.. ah.. i was going totally crazy.. "arey, tell me ur number na!" she said.. i took my eyes off her for a moment (which seemed like infinity) n gave her my number.. again my gaze was back at her hair!

I cudnt sleep the whole night.. my earlier presumptions that just meeting her once wud fufill all my desires, n i'd feel peacful, were shattered to shards.. as now after actually meeting her and talking to her.. i felt evenmore crazier than b4.. someone had said.. or shud i say 'rightly' said.. that Humans are unsatiable beings..i expirienced this saying.. now i wanted to meet her again n again n again n again.. talk to her.. feel her.. see her.. look at that beautiful face of her.. if someone ever wanted to define beauty in a single word.. my sweethearts name wud do it.. we were meeting at 4pm tomorrow.. it was just 1am now.. the countdown had started..

I dont know what happens to me in such situations.. now i feel what an ass i am.. if i wud have had enough amount of akkal in me.. i would have asked for her cell number.. now i could have called her.. could have atleast sent her a text message.. What a dumb fool i can be sometimes.. 12 hrs more to go...just 12 more hrs, n again i could be in her glowing presence.. ah.. just 12 more hrs i said.. i waited nearly 14 days for her.. how difficult can 12 more hrs be? n i myself answered this question.. "i cudnt wait no more".. ah.. plz subtract these twelve hrs from my life plz God please.. but dont forget , hah, just 12 hrs.. not a second more.. my eyes were open, but i cud only see her face.. even in that pitch blackness i saw her beautiful face just as clearly with an aura of her radiance around it..

2 more hrs to go i thought, as our professor was bellowing something in that stupid childish tone of his.. i didnt care less.. 120 mins was what i cared more about.. i was practicing what i wud say to her.. "I love u".. ya right she'd smack me black n blue.. n then then i'd shout :"Hit me baby, one more time".. ya right.. what a foolish thought.. kept aside... 100 more mins to go.. what wud i say:"u r so beautiful.. n sexy??" shut up mann... r u outta ur mind or something... ok so what about:"i missed u".. ya right.. u missed her on the very first day u met her.. think of something else... 60 mins more to go.. ok i got another one, how about:"how was ur day?".. perfect..n why dont u add "Honey... i am home" to it.. fool...then what??.. "i wanna kiss ur tender lips?" "i wanna make u my wife?" " i wanna ...." shut up will u? n let me think.. ya right.. Mr genius.. put up a sign :"Brains at work.. don't disturb"...( u guyz don't mind.. hah.. i have this habbit to talk myself) 20 mins... i said.. as i walked towards our meeting spot.. better to be on time.. 1st impression do matter... what? are u going to a job interview or something?... shut up.. n u still havent decided on what u r going to say.. n dont u dare act like a fool as u are, in front of her...

4 mins n 14 secs more to go... i dont why suddenly time has started to go so slow.. as if its frozen or something...God.. 4 mins to go.. i tried to show a calm face to the world.. but only i knew what was really going on inside of me.. as if a giagantic volcanoe's about to burst..1 min more to go... my eyes began searching for her.. just like they used to for the past 13 days.. the only difference.. i wasnt searching at the only place i used to "my beloved bench".. now my eyes were searching the whole area... as far as they cud reach out.. i wondered how she wud be dressed?.. pink? I sure do hope.. baby pink... just like a tender, sweet, n cute child that she was.. ah.. pink please... it was 4:05 pm.. still no sign of her.. ok.. she might be on her way now..

4:30 n still no sign of her.. no need to be impatient.. she might have been gotten cauht up somewhere....i got a long stare from a girl dressed in a green punjabi.. but i hardly cared.. 5 pm.. now i was so crazy that i started having thoughts like.."was this the right place?" "was the decided time really 4:00pm?".. ok no need to panic.. traffic maybe.. yeah right.. traffic.. just like the reason which u give ur proff for being late.. only difference.. u never go 1 hr to late to a 1hr lecture.. ok.. stop cribbing.. she'll come..

5:30 still no sign of her.. still that green punjabi dressed gal was staring at me.. still.. i wanted to ask her what her problem was.. arey go home yaar... i m waiting for my sweetheart.. i m sure she'll show up.. surely..how sure was i?.. i dont know.. but a part of me said wait till she comes.. n i listened to that part of me.. n waited..i m in no hurry sweetheart.. come whenevr u want to.. i m waiting.. 6.00pm.. no sign of her..

i waited till 8pm.. i had clear off.. as the place got closed at 8.. otherwise i cud have waited here till eternity.. i was dejected for a moment.. maybe my sweetheart had some emergency n forget to tell me.. i understand u my sweetheart.. another day then.. n so i thought aloud.. but inside me.. the volcano had just started to erupt.......

Story continued in My Sweetheart part3.. i dont know how many part there are.. i don't know what's coming up next.. so keep on reading..

My Sweet Heart part1

Life was one heck of a slog thru' as i lived each day to see the back of it... n then she came into my life.. butterflies in my eyes.. then i saw thru' myself to realise that what was i.. but just a servant of God.. had he rewarded me?? indeed he must have.. coz not even in my wildest dreamz wud i have been capable to evn set my eyes on her!!! was she just a dream? i asked myself..

There she sat, lonely as the wind of night.. nobody but me to look upon her carven face shining in the midmorning sun... n then just like a flash of light she was no more in front of my eyes.. where did she go? i asked meself... did i look like a stupid eager hungry wolf? that she shyed away in my gaze?

I m indeed a fool i said to myself.. i cudnt sleep nor eat nor lie down, nor get up, nor walk nor think.. i just wanted just one more look at her.. plz God i said.. just one more look.. plz.. but God was unrelenting.. i cudnt help it.. i kept on waiting for her to show up in college.. but my sweet heart never did.. nothing interested me anymore.. life was meaningless... i knew only one thing.. i wanted nothing more in life than just 1 look at my sweet heart... just 1 look at her ivory coloured, shining, beautiful face.. one look n life's all dreams wud have been fulfilled.. i waited n waited for her to show up.. i realised that i didnt even know her name yet..
people ask what is love.. what is that one feeling which can make you so mad, n crazy about someone... what is that one desire that atracts u like a magnet towards a person.. what is that sensation which makes u go "oomph" over some1... my only anwer to them is: u gotta experience it to know what love is.. u just cant describe it in words.. words are just too volatile to describe such an intense feeling as love is..

B4 this happened i was a non believer in things such as true love.. i often was under the misconception that people who proclaim that they r in true love, often mistaken an infatuation with true love.. but i myself proved this sweet misunderstanding wrong.. i emptied my heart out to my best buddy.. he was what i used to b.. his immediate question to me was:" how can u be in love with some1 who u have just seen once n that too for a fraction of a moment.. how can u b in love with some1 whom u havent even talked to? how can u be in love with some1 who's name u dont even know??" i had just 1 answer:" i dont know how, but i cant change what i feel"...

My feelings were still just as strong as they were when i had seen her for the first and last time in my life.. i still waited at the same bench at which once i had seen her bold, undaunting face.. on that "fatefull day".. i didnt care about the time i had wasted in this quest of mine... i didnt care for what some1 thought bout "wasted" me... the only thing that i now cared about was to find the "meaning to my life", sitting there in front of my wonderfilled gaze smiling back at me with those sparkling eyes of her...

Those moments made me understand the true meaning of what Einstein tried to explain in his "Theory Of Relativity".. but what Einstein forgot to add in this famous theory of his was the momentous joy that u get waiting for someone who means everything in this world for u.. eventhough minutes might seem like days for u... the similar joy i felt rising within me with every moment i spent staring at that empty bench... the question now was not "whether she'll show up or not?" it was:"when she'll show up!"

13days, 23 hrs, 27 minutes, 19 seconds (1 sec here n there because of time req to type this) from that "fatefull day".. i sat still staring at that empty bench.. looking for my sweet heart.. when i felt someone tap my shoulder... i didnt feel it at first as i was in deep reverie.. but on the second time (a bit harded than the 1st).. i sensed it n came back down to " planet earth".. i turned around to see who had dared to disturb me... n there she stood.. just like an angel rom the heavens.. a flower fresh with dew.. a newborn mystical pangua.. just like those queens whose descriptions u hear in fairy tales.. just like snowwhite.. pearly face of her... was i dreaming again
?? there stood before my very eyes.. my sweet heart..

My throat was parched, my heart running at the pace of the rawalpindi express.. my eyes fliterring open n shut like the wings of a bird.. my feet weak like rubber... my nose smelling nothing but her fresh aroma... n then to the total delight of my ears: she said:"can i have a word with u?" , it took me about a lifetime to respond to this: i wanted to say "i love u" "be the light of my life" "be my queen" i wanted to tell her what i felt about her.. i wanted to express everything.. i wanted to bow down to her.. but i just nodded n followed her..
i dont know where we were going but i just kept following her. she stopped suddenly n sat down.. my legs werent responding to the signals that my brain was sending thru' those things called nerve cords..she told me to sit down.. besides her.. i did what i was told to.. i cudnt believe it.. was i really sitting next to the exact same person, for whose 1 look i had spent sleepless nights, days waiting at the same spot?? was it the same person??

She said in that sweet melodious voice of her: "i have been observing you for many days.. what is it with u n that bench? whenever i come to this part of the college i always see u staring at that bench!!" i was totally speechless.. i wanted to tell her everything: but i just said "i dont know what she was talking about" i wud have killed myself for saying what i did.. but she said "whatever"... why did that whatever sound so filled with concern for me.. i dont know... but my heart was leaping n bouncing its way in my chest..

Then there was this silence.. for 15.. no 20.. i dont know how many minutes.. i just cudnt help but gaze into those sparkling eyes of her.. look at those sharp features of her face.. i just cudnt stop gazing at her.. n she was just looking at that fat old tree in front of us.. thinking maybe.. i dont know.. i was too busy u see.. n suddenly she broke the silence:" i have to go now.. ll catch u later.. bdw my name's "*****".. FRIENDS"
.. her names not reavealed for below mentioned reasons
this story has got nothing to do with my personnel life.. nor is it true..
story continues in next post.. plz see